i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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