Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
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remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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