She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
