Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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