Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
