a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize