he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
