you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
