You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
