My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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