I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
