i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
