i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
