So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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