my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
