my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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