he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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