Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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