Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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