its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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