its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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