They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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