All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
