I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am spending my child support on dildos
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
