everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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