plz talk dirty to me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
