I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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