Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
