Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
