I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
