last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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