speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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