Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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