it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
