He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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