Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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