And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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