Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Text me some of your sweat
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