Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
