i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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