i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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