okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
