Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
