thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
