The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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