You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Randomize
