I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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