If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
