This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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