he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
