Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
