I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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