i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
