so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
