Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
