Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
ugly people sure do ruin things
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
