I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
