hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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