i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
