My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
