It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
