This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
