The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
