The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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